i look at my writings of the past couple of years

boy did i go on about what i'd lost, how i was maintaining a facade that i was no longer creating / contributing to.

and with reason but only after does it have perspective

with the absorption in doing things, in the mundane participant role of life, spurned by the fact that i was no longer self reliant but could partake in joint activity,
i was unable to balance it with the inventive / creative side which was a product of a solo and self perpetuated plight.

it really does seem as simple as, as yet i have been unable to successfully feel whole in both aspects as i have yet to be successfull at combining them.
i accentuate yet as i'm working on the balance principle now,
not to say i haven't tackled it before,
but with anewed interest in being able to invent myself and still feel like i'm not disregarding involvment.

easy to say when single i suppose.
the slight perversion of being involved with someone comes when you becomes lacks on being able to successfully still be acknowledging your own path.
it seems although i tried to still maintain my pursuits i ultimately didn't.

i must add that it may just have been my last relationship that i'm extending to the all relationships (just slightly) but i do notice even in friendship i seem to take a back seat in regards to my own desires.
i think in accomodating others ( because of my desire to please / serve like a good little virgo) i actually am holding back on my contribution, which could be fantastically better.

so how would this be possible ?
in contemplation i often don't actually concentrate on the how that much, i analyse and figure out the why and then the important, how ?

well if i maintain doing my interests i think this is when i am most successfull at combining interaction and self forfillment.
so when i've continued to be creative, make stuff, paint, buy music, have my band interests etc thats when i have been able to give and receive.

yay

it seems a bit simple and i know if tried to maintain these things in the past, its the all consuming, over involving part i take in relationships that i think is my downfall, my lack of prioritization of myself!