introducing MATTA he's a great surreal artist who paints his internal landscape and i think he's awesome :)

INTRO QUOTE
i don't believe i have yet explained my initial intro quote ( not that explaination is necessary but the connection, (although i remember it so i'm probably explaining for an audience....ahhhh shoosh the showman within ) of words to actuality would be nice ).

evolving strains of e coli bacteria.

1 environment was a gel 2 dimensional interaction enviro
1 environment was a watery 3 dimensional ineraction enviro

microbes in the watery soup evolved quicker but achieved a lesser level than the 2 dimensional gel eviro where microbes explored more genetic combinations and ultimately achieved a higher level of fitness peak.

perhaps this study is symbolic of the slow learning curve of life, where u may feel like u r laging behind but exploring more combinations of yourself than if u paved one pathway and achieved ur goals early without exploration... u'll end up not reaching the higher levels :) well its a good theory and me lagging behind wouldn't be a bad thing then :)

I feel like if i eat more meat i end up feeling more animalistic. like a more reactionary human being based more on doing things. if i honestly analyse my feelings this way then how am i feeling when i eat more vegan diet ? how do vegetables make me react ?


I just drove 2 hours on winde country road and i don't think i was ever looking at the road. away in a state i get in when it is cold out and the air smells fresh and it rains and i need to keep warm and i feel like staying inside and playing scrabble or painting and baking. i think its a reaction back to the roots of my comfortability !

sometimes it feels like if i stopped eating i would no longer be grounded.

i'd live on a semi-concious level, where my participation would be neither acknowledged or disowned. i don't feel physically here sometimes and i think if i really thought about it i could stop my own physical functioning just by thinking!

So i feel bloated and stuffed full of unnecessary.

i should really dispel a lot of information but i cling to it like nothing is worthless.
i need the scales to weight up the difference between me knowing information and not knowing / letting the information go to see if the extra burden i give myself actually pays off.

sometimes i think i should just forget about it and do stuff but i do revert back to being absorbed into detail and the postulations of whats happening. dealing with my reactions seems more logical

hey goodlookin

this is jack in a typical relaxing style. my idol he is and forever may his ass rock on !

beauty in the eye of the beerholder :)

my most recent foray into normality has taught me this...
i'm not supposed to go there :)

i have spent much time recently arguiing a perspective which the average jo unfortunately doesn't want
unfortunately that is if i was to try and accomodate myself to the average jo.
sad and disheartening as it is i may never be forfilled by normal. accept and embrace it i may but as a complete lifestyle i think never.

where r the people who think normal is not just boring but unliveable, why would u when there is an alternative.

more pertinent may be the fact that why is it i am so dead set against anything average and why do i constantly require something new to feel that i am living :)

It feels like i've been away from my trying vibe for a while.
I have been supported and allowed to let myself go and unfortunately not in the wild, run free sense.
There are times when u realise ur place in the world and how that means you judge what you should do. This discernment is something that i feel most when single. When forced to cater and take responsibility for all my actions.
In offending someone last nite, i suddenly realised this lack of discretion which isn't ever a hold back from being me feelin but more a making room for others to completely be themselves.
I feel good about the slap in the face it gave me and the perspective which allows me to watch others flourish and be less self absorbed and more self involved :)