i tell ya i feel like living proof of freudian theory!

a product of my fathers own behaviour, i model and recreate his own destructive habits.

well at least i have pretty photos to keep me company

i find it funny that i've survived on this mentality thus far

constantly negating my own state of being

oh well, maybe tom i'll be revamped by my dreams :)

my current life perspective:

"live extravagantly
life is not a dress rehearsal"

i can't wait till i have more energy to live up to this statement!

r we all stupid in action but decent when we consider something...
is this why we are able to see the solution to others problems but completely miss our own.

considering myself pretty self aware,
its hard to discover that your natural reactions created an emotional state which you didn't predict.
i thought i honestly dealt with my feelings at the time, but it seems some of my reactions stalled dealing with loss.
i unfortunately realised i had the fear of loss but didn't acknowledge the emotional confidence i needed to deal with this fear,
to be honest i still don't know how i'm going to deal with it,
perhaps set myself up better in the future because i know its going to happen, its a natural part of the eb and flow of life but i can give myself the support structure i need...
well i hope