uncatered for

there is an excess of uncatered for emotions!
randomly crying
to noone
wat happens when there is no community unit like in todays society
and distance between individuals
that someone is left without any consolation
without support
its become a cold world

disappointment

with an up
there comes a down
i should watch tv
more
or less?
hmmmm no words
just disappointment
prevails

the internet is the funniest thing

how is it i spend all day droneously on one and then
at night continue to widdle away my hours again on one
virtual sex and random chat and discovering what the real meaning of your personality is by staring at it on a screen in a dimly lit room and waiting for pictures to upload!
ha!
how the delusions are so easy to maintain
their is a comfortableness in the distance of the internet
only partially engaging in interaction by feeling the freedom of a barrier to protect you
"on your terms only"
pay 9.95 now for the pleasure!
it must be some seeded comfort in not having the reprecussions of an adverse reaction from a person, just click the computer off and they go away... the real thing leaves stains on your carpet and spaces in your bed and damages your comfortable heart into a state of dishevel
not knowing what to do
...
would i find more time by myself staring at nature instead of a screen if i lived back in the nomadic day ?
would my needs be forfilled in other ways
or perhaps i wouldn't have the need ... it sure wouldn't be in the form of a safe barriered interaction that i get on the computer
anyhow im tired from all my virtual sex, time to lie on the couch! ha!

lovestruck

i heard 2 stories and saw many visible evidence of people being lovestruck on the weekend!

an absolute infatuation with the person and a clear wanting to be around them and share themselves with each other!

i came away from a party, which beforehand i had been content, with a sense of loss, a sense of not having that which is clearly avaliable to every human being when they find someone they really jel with!

although the previous evening i had been sure that i was nowhere even close to love but had been happy to continue a relationship, i believe this is out of fear!

and i believe this fear is holding me back from more forfilling times, dictated by who i am and how i interact... but due to my lack of belief of my capabilities on this front, i now just feel lonely and on the outside of life!

i know comparisons are wrong but they can also be a wake up call! i hope this is enough of a jolt!