looking

Well when u look, u don't see anyone worthwhile and when u don't look u seem to be getting attention!
I wasn't looking till I decided id like to look and now the potential is slim!
I think ill go back to not looking, there is nothing appealing about someone who needs u, only if they want u bad!
Im gonna change my tac and be out there claire!
Why not, i can shift, i can say it was all shyness, is that cute ?
if i thought someone was hot yet shy, i'd find that cute... i think!
It just depends if im hot and cute or just average shy!

people

sometimes i see some people and i thnik, fuck id like to get to know that person!
The way they carry themselves, the way they look, their essence seems to scream to mine, hey u would dig me!
I love looking at these people!
I don't necessarily imagine wat they do but i admire, even tho i know nothing other than the look!
I think thats why I like checking out other peoples photos, seeing who they have connected with purely on a visual basis!
I like catching the city train cause u see a diversity of people and i like to know wats out there!
The vibe!
I think it makes me feel more secure in who I am by seeing this diversity!
I'm not sure exactly how this works but it relaxes me!
I think this exposure makes situations where there are lots of people less intimidating!

daze

I forgot wat day it was, woke up not knowing whether it was weekend or weekday!
Pervaded by leftovers of a weird dream where glenn was dissing me for popularity!
Left my dog with a 5 minute pat!
There is an akward nature to me in my dreams, like i don't gel with polularity and am uninvited into those circles.
Then dream ended by me creating a car accident, i first knowcked off side mirror as hadn't finished crossing road and then made them roll over into drive thru, as pulled the finger or yelled something.
I was really concerned about the security of my bag and the fact that didn't need to drink till people started arriving, then worried didn't have anything to drink.
There was also a patronising nature to the people who knew me, like they didn't care to know me anymore!

where'd the ideas go

Im sure as you get older your ideas diminish, ur inquisition turns to worry. How is it i feel less capable than before i had experience! Its like I could have done anything and every day i feel i can do less and less! Loooking into peoples faces, i see they too with quarms, waiting to see wat happens! Plodding thru a half ass attempt at living, accepting to be average or their version of ok! I see girls expressing themselves in clothes, just as I did, reaffirming their sense of individuality and self! It makes me happy to relate superficially with the random!

Intimacy issues

the upside of not having intimacy for a while is the freedom to explore and create more of myself, it reinforces appreciation and love for others comes with greater ease cause u look to others to fille the "same old, same old" of comfortability from consoling yourself with one person!