after seeing "the 11th hour" i've been re-invigerated with a plight against my own materialism. i used to avoid buying large goods so that i could always move on but i actually think my buying of crap including rubix cubes and the like are also a downfall. the amount of mass waste even when it comes to old computers is ridiculous! how this can be avoided is a politician's nightmare but my nightmare of my own materialism still plagues me.
fighting what is the natural flow of society is really difficult! don't buy! who wants to follow that mantra!
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Monday, August 03, 2009
comparisons are shit!
i see others creating their families, sharing their lives!
and i feel old!
i fell like mine is without this fitted bond that makes u keep going.
i look at my fish and roofus and where my love and energy goes and it seems less forfilled.
people having babies, getting married and falling in love is really starting to make me angry and i wonder why!
is it because they r recognised, is it cause it seems valid and they r validated by society!
my events all seem distant and unrewarding in retrospect and yet at the time they feel right!
does thinkin and wanting more negate wat im doing!
am i denying my own validation by looking for too much, are my comparisons my own worst enemy! is lookin at others lives, slowly killing my soul, my passion ?
how can i live without placing my circumstance relative to others ???
and i feel old!
i fell like mine is without this fitted bond that makes u keep going.
i look at my fish and roofus and where my love and energy goes and it seems less forfilled.
people having babies, getting married and falling in love is really starting to make me angry and i wonder why!
is it because they r recognised, is it cause it seems valid and they r validated by society!
my events all seem distant and unrewarding in retrospect and yet at the time they feel right!
does thinkin and wanting more negate wat im doing!
am i denying my own validation by looking for too much, are my comparisons my own worst enemy! is lookin at others lives, slowly killing my soul, my passion ?
how can i live without placing my circumstance relative to others ???
Friday, July 31, 2009
when things look flat
its amazing what a dream can do to brighten your flat times.
last nights dream was a relative gay martigra! and this morning i was enlivened with spirit!
if dreams were reality, my world would be warped and im undecided if it would be more or less frightening and or enlivening than life :) i sway in both directions on this one.
is life or dreams more....
last nights dream was a relative gay martigra! and this morning i was enlivened with spirit!
if dreams were reality, my world would be warped and im undecided if it would be more or less frightening and or enlivening than life :) i sway in both directions on this one.
is life or dreams more....
Thursday, July 30, 2009
unforfiled time
feelings, uncatered for, internalised in the subconcious, unacknowledged and thus unexplored. LOST
Thursday, April 23, 2009
i forget
how quickly i forget what was on my mind intensely 10 mins ago!
i had this point of reflection that i just had to express and now it is gone!
oooo
i remember
it was about this lobotomy documentary i watched last night,
about how there has probably always been the same proportion of people unable to cope with the process of life.
the lobotomy "came to life" after the end of WW2 and the pictures of multitudes in concentration camps and then their was a wash in the newspapers a series on how the mental institutions showed similar sights of people fear embodied and distraught with them housed on mass in similar hygenic and otherwise sites such as viewed in concentration camps.
then came the quick fix to mental issues of the lobotomy where in fact once freedman had developed his version of the lobotomy it was a 3min job. it involved severing the nerves between the thalamas and the frontal lobes! after which most people where some what vegetables but at least, gone was the fear and the pain of mental anguish.
raised was the question of what did we value more in life the ability to feel or the ability to be only semi functional. either way i would say they were only semi-functional, it was just the effect on others that made the decision easy, make them a vegetable, i wish not to see them in such pain. and yet i to may have given consent at points in my life where the pain was unbearable, although the prospect of being a vegetable wouldn't win either so maybe no lobotomy for me!
it was gross though, he literally shoved a steel icepick under the eyelid and cracked through to the brain and severed sections! he couldn't possibly have know exactly which but just at best guess "in the general area" which he intended to sever!
it was weird! ... from that though came the drug to do a non surgical lobotomy, having similar vegetative states to that of the lobotomy! and thats how we got onto drugs to cure mental illness, weird eh, seeing this is now how i am under this control!
a step on from a lobotomy eh, but still a medicine in order to dull my reality!
did you know they still perform lobotomies in extreme cases of obsessive compulsive disorder... weird eh!
i had this point of reflection that i just had to express and now it is gone!
oooo
i remember
it was about this lobotomy documentary i watched last night,
about how there has probably always been the same proportion of people unable to cope with the process of life.
the lobotomy "came to life" after the end of WW2 and the pictures of multitudes in concentration camps and then their was a wash in the newspapers a series on how the mental institutions showed similar sights of people fear embodied and distraught with them housed on mass in similar hygenic and otherwise sites such as viewed in concentration camps.
then came the quick fix to mental issues of the lobotomy where in fact once freedman had developed his version of the lobotomy it was a 3min job. it involved severing the nerves between the thalamas and the frontal lobes! after which most people where some what vegetables but at least, gone was the fear and the pain of mental anguish.
raised was the question of what did we value more in life the ability to feel or the ability to be only semi functional. either way i would say they were only semi-functional, it was just the effect on others that made the decision easy, make them a vegetable, i wish not to see them in such pain. and yet i to may have given consent at points in my life where the pain was unbearable, although the prospect of being a vegetable wouldn't win either so maybe no lobotomy for me!
it was gross though, he literally shoved a steel icepick under the eyelid and cracked through to the brain and severed sections! he couldn't possibly have know exactly which but just at best guess "in the general area" which he intended to sever!
it was weird! ... from that though came the drug to do a non surgical lobotomy, having similar vegetative states to that of the lobotomy! and thats how we got onto drugs to cure mental illness, weird eh, seeing this is now how i am under this control!
a step on from a lobotomy eh, but still a medicine in order to dull my reality!
did you know they still perform lobotomies in extreme cases of obsessive compulsive disorder... weird eh!
Friday, April 17, 2009
bfldjkhalk
its the continuing upward spiral of intensity that gets me,
the increasing load of "your not doing what everyone else is doing"!
now don't get me wrong its not like this is a new phenomena to me,
but bloody hell how long will the parade of life disconnected to your own continue!
will it be like this endlessly?
a life outside of what reality portrays
i suppose that is why i watch art films
the increasing load of "your not doing what everyone else is doing"!
now don't get me wrong its not like this is a new phenomena to me,
but bloody hell how long will the parade of life disconnected to your own continue!
will it be like this endlessly?
a life outside of what reality portrays
i suppose that is why i watch art films
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