I wake to a critique of how I could have done it better and
An accounting ledger of what is weighing up unsuccessfully on my side.
I work at creating a couple of actions at the end of each half sleep beration,
To work on for the day, to move me closer to how I'd like to be and how I'd like to spend my days,
And like yesterday, on failing to result the ledger fills.
I turn to tv to avoid the failure and this fills me with waste of space but with my energy disheartened from not at least having Astra enjoy the day I mope.
I don't think I've actually enjoyed a day since I just get fucked up and loose on alcohol and that's usually a night, with only ever a person gained in friendship, I visual friendship too, rarely one of connection but of likes.
Yesterday I was going to take Astra rollerskating, to do something active for her, no iPad and then go to a free concert, little bit of life to our weekend...
Yesterday's successes, learning skills on iPad, failure no money to buy full versions, will choose a full version today. Some...play but minor, no motivation from her to do anything but watch iPad and even then, when wanted to go in pool it was 6pm and I was to tired.
Failures, road to roller skating, not on, lunch, Astra ate mainly sugar, no substanstutive, couldn't be bothered going to free concert, stayed in an watched tv. Astra put herself to bed at lunch, slept 2 hours instead of listening to a crying mother.
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