Ive risky personal exploration goals that need focussing

Uncomfortable with myself
Uncomfortable with outcomes of decisions that at the time seemed so certain
Paths leading further and further away from progression in society and more more into self analysing
Analysis of the self is pointless to a certain degree
There is no rhyme or reason to emotional based responses
Emotion is an indication of your inclination to best take care / protect yourself
Where does this instinct come from is not something that should be pondered because it's unexplainable,
Not exactly but the variables are that variable you'll torment yourself like a mad scientist to try and figure out a only unreliable theory.
The only consolation is that if I think about myself like a tormented artist it is way more interesting than ya successful 9 to 5 happy days lifestyle
Did I choose a life of colour or did I choose a life with whimsical decisions which were erring on non sensical
Even this makes me think of it more like a personal exploration of risk
Well I can say to date, the exploration is unfocused
If I focus my efforts it may at least have a consolidated outcome of risky explorations
So the question...how to focus my risky personal exploration