"Feel the burn" ...I grew up knowing this as retro aerobics, yet it resonated with me. The push on through, the tone in which Jane spoke,she was just do it before Nike. Yet somehow the ideA of doing something intending for suffering, although with it's Buddhist appeal doesn't appeal to my mind compass. Physical compass yes, although almost 6 months on from any real exercise I don't feel this either. I realise the clonazepam gives me the calm to enable a focus of moment but I wonder if I'll get a long term inspiration back. I can do a long term plan but inspiration being the basis of strength behind a plan I do feel a loss of personal strength. I always had conviction but not long term direction so why I think now would be any different. In accepting this and taking the clonazepam out of the equation I am then left with my endless social analysis. Maybe my September counterpart Mr malcolm Gladwell has more in touch and definitely better utilisation of this aspect.
So what to do with this now. Why am I struggling at this point to go forth with my time and find something to be involved in. Am I really that tired from Astra and work. I think it's more an excuse to play along with the loss, to accept I don't have anything, to wallow. So if not to wallow what would I.choose?
Choose
Choose
Or maybe letting go. Letting loose such that I go with the flow. Not something I really do although it's my intention. Maybe aydan is a perfect mirror of not choosing. I see a reflection of not only in work but in people and in lifestyle of not putting in fully. Self doubt the most accessible answer but really the brains capacity to not focus so much on itself foregone. All wrapped up in ego.
Thinking out of self. Skills I possess. Where should I go to let go?
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